The Integrative Psychology Clinic asked Clinical Psychologist Ruth Nelson to write about her experience living during an epidemic.

I once worked with people displaced by war. Over two years, I saw a cholera epidemic, measles epidemic, and a nearby Ebola outbreak. 

Life during an epidemic is stressful. I remember black tarpaulin encasing makeshift clinics, a visual reminder of the fear wearing away my insides. It felt like the epidemic would never end.

My immune system was low and, although vaccinated, I feared catching cholera. Although as a foreigner, I was protected. I could have left. 

But I was at risk, people I cared about were dying, and it seemed never-ending. You had to be careful not to touch people, not to touch your face. The mental load of being aware of automatic behaviours is tiring.  

Infection triggers disgust. Like fear, disgust is designed to keep you alive. You draw back instinctively. 

 And the source of coronavirus is in each other. 

We are pack animals, safe in the herd. Connection and safety are interlinked. What happens when the herd is the source of contamination? It threatens our core needs. We don’t cope well when the danger is inside people we normally connect with. 

I had no script for how to feel during a cholera epidemic. Exhausted and overwhelmed, I didn’t know if I coped well or not. So, however you feel now, in a pandemic, that’s okay. Of course you feel like that. 

Frightened? Of course. Tired? Of course. Confused and angry? You want to hug your friends but don’t want to make them sick. You need to work but you need good health.

Surviving disease is how to be human 101. Part of you wants to grab toilet paper and fight. Part of you wants to help your neighbours so they pull through too. (Why toilet paper? René Girard explains, nothing has value until someone else desires it. Everyone else wants toilet paper, so it suddenly has enormous value.) 

How do you get through? Maybe not by grabbing toilet paper. 

Trauma happens when, under threat, you feel stuck. In self-isolation, you might feel stuck. But where there is movement, there is hope and growth. 

How to be in lockdown and still experience freedom of movement? People infinitely wiser than me write about this, people who have faced enormous threat, and have described what it is to be human and free. I have little to offer in comparison, yet here it is anyway. 

Don’t rely on alcohol or other drugs to cope with fear, boredom or frustration. That doesn’t help you regulate those feelings. It just makes them briefly invisible. 

 Connect with people. The internet is incredible. But practise staying in conscious, compassionate relationship with your own body. Don’t scroll Facebook until you dissociate. Do video chat with friends and family, anyone who is on your team. 

Move your body.

Move with joy, if possible. Listen to live radio for the company and dance to the songs. Dance with your children, housemates, partner, friends on Skype, your cat’s disdain. 

Go outside. You can isolate while getting Vitamin D, exercising and helping your microglia do their job. 

Fear makes it hard to live in your body, especially if terrified about finances (take a breath, not a deep breath, just any breath will do. I see you). So engage in movement that keeps you in gentle awareness of your body but gets you out of your thoughts. Learn to juggle. Draw with your non-dominant hand.

Sometimes, we need professional support in processing these experiences and getting moving again. Please reach out should you require additional support at this time: https://integrativepsychology.com.au/get-in-touch-book-a-psychology-consultation#contact-the-integrative-psychology-clinic

Some additional support services:

Lifeline 
https://www.lifeline.org.au/
131114  

Mission Australia 
https://www.missionaustralia.com.au/

Headspace 
1800 650 890 

Kids Helpline
1800 55 1800

 1800 RESPECT (Domestic Violence support)
www.1800respect.org.au
1800 737 732

Mental Health Line
1800 011 511

Article by Ruth Nelson. Ruth Nelson is a clinical psychologist who works on Darug land. She is passionate about human rights and eco-justice.

Photo by Kate Trifo on Unsplash